Why Self-Love Isn't 'Woo Woo'
You've probably heard the term "self-love" thrown around in wellness circles and maybe dismissed it as another New Age fad. But here's the truth: self-love isn't just some airy-fairy concept. It's a fundamental need backed by solid scientific evidence, crucial for both your mental and physical well-being.
The Neuroscience of Self-Love
Your brain is wired to respond positively to self-love. Research has identified a specific neural pathway, the frontostriatal pathway, as the area responsible for self-love and self-esteem. When this pathway is highly active, you experience strong feelings of self-acceptance and motivation. This isn't just feel-good psychology; it's hard neuroscience showing that self-love literally lights up your brain's reward centres.
Kind of like your own built in dopamine fix! But here’s the ‘sciency’ bit.
The frontostriatal pathway is a neural circuit connecting regions in the frontal lobe with the striatum. This pathway plays a crucial role in self-love and self-esteem, as identified by research from Dartmouth College. Specifically, when this pathway is highly active, individuals experience strong feelings of self-love and self-acceptance.
The frontostriatal circuit connects two important areas in the brain:
The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for self-knowledge, impulse control, reasoning, ethics, and empathy.
The ventral striatum, which is associated with motivation and reward processing.
This neural pathway is significant because it links cognitive control areas with reward-related regions, suggesting its involvement in regulating positive emotions and self-worth.
The connectivity between these regions, particularly the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (RVLPFC) and the ventral striatum (VS), has been associated with self-enhancement and the maintenance of positive self-views.
Furthermore, research has shown that the structural integrity of white matter pathways connecting the medial prefrontal cortex to the ventral striatum can predict changes in self-esteem over time. This indicates that the frontostriatal pathway not only reflects current levels of self-esteem but may also influence its development and stability in the long term.
So there! Not ‘woo woo’ by any stretch of the imagination, I’d say.
A very good question indeed! Here’s 4 darned good reasons why. When this pathway is active and strong:
1. You feel good about yourself
When you practice self-love, you cultivate a sense of self-worth and emotional balance. This means you’re less likely to engage in negative self-talk and more likely to appreciate your strengths and accomplishments. Feeling good about yourself doesn’t just boost your mood—it creates a foundation for healthier relationships and a more positive outlook on life.
2. You're more motivated
Self-love fosters intrinsic motivation by helping you believe in your abilities and worthiness to succeed. When you value yourself, you’re more likely to set meaningful goals and pursue them with determination. It also apparently reduces procrastination because you’re driven by self-compassion rather than fear of failure. So think about that next time you're procrastinating, and see if you can make a connection to self-love. Interesting one, isn't it?
3. You make better decisions
When you love yourself, you’re less likely to make decisions out of fear, guilt, or external pressures. Instead, you trust your instincts and align your choices with your values and long-term well-being. This clarity allows for more thoughtful decision-making, even in challenging situations
4. You're more resilient to stress and setbacks
Self-love equips you with the emotional tools to bounce back from adversity. By practicing self-compassion, you can reframe failures as opportunities for growth rather than sources of shame or self-criticism. This resilience helps you maintain mental stability even during tough times
And who couldn’t use more of all of those? I’m sure we’ll all raise our hands for them!
But there’s more. 5 more benefits I want to share with you.
5 Real-Life Benefits of Self-Love
1. Better Self-Talk: Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes, you're more likely to learn and move forward – accepting your flaws is absolutely fine.
2. Healthier Relationships: When you value yourself, you're less likely to accept poor treatment from others.
3. Improved Mental Health: This pathway helps protect against anxiety and depression.
4. Greater Resilience: You bounce back faster from setbacks because you fundamentally believe in your worth.
5. Increased Motivation: You're more likely to pursue goals and stick with them, even when things get tough.
But let’s keep going, and talk about some tips on how you can get some more self-love for yourself (and best of all, it’s totally free and utterly healthy!)
5 Tips to Strengthen Your Self-Love Circuit
Just like exercising a muscle, you can strengthen this brain pathway – forget ‘circuit training’ let’s go for some ‘self-love circuit training’: 5 more tips here for you
1. Practice positive self-talk (ie, STOP being so nasty to yourself!)
2. Celebrate your achievements (no matter how small)
3. Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd show a good friend
4. Set boundaries to protect your well-being (that’s a BIGGIE)
5. Engage in activities that make you feel competent and valued - or that you simply ENJOY!
Let’s dig in a bit more on those shall we?
Practice positive self-talk:
· Start each day with positive affirmations. For example, "I am worthy of love and happiness".
· Challenge negative thoughts by asking yourself, "Is this really true?" or "What would I say to a friend in this situation?"
· Use coloured pens to write down positive statements about yourself. The vibrant colors can make the process more engaging and fun.
Celebrate your achievements:
· Keep a "wins" journal where you record your daily accomplishments, no matter how small.
· Take time to acknowledge your progress at the gym. Track your improvements in strength, endurance, or flexibility. If you don’t go to the gym, do NOT beat yourself up about it. · Go for a walk and enjoy nature instead!
· Share your successes with supportive friends who can cheer you on.
Treat yourself with kindness:
· Practice self-compassion meditation, and think about the people who love you when you do this.
· Allocate ‘me time’ for you time! Take relaxing baths or get massages as a way to nurture yourself physically.
· Use positive post-it notes on your mirror with compliments to yourself.
Set boundaries:
· to say "no" to requests that overwhelm you or don't align with your values.
· Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and limit time with those who drain your energy. If you’re a people-pleaser, this can be a very tough challenge, so you might want to learn more about why you’re unable to say no, and what you can do about it.
I have an entire 12-week course about healing trauma and codependency, so it’s not always as simple as just saying no – but it does start with self-love and learning to value yourself and your time.
Engage in activities that make you feel competent and valued:
· Pursue hobbies or skills that you enjoy and that challenge you positively.
· Volunteer for causes you care about, which can boost your sense of purpose and self-worth.
· Set and work towards meaningful goals, celebrating each step of progress.
These don’t have to be lofty goals – just think of something that you really want to get better at, or achieve, and do what you can to get you closer to that goal. And feel good about it when you take even small steps towards that goal.
And my most important piece of advice is this: self-love isn't selfish or narcissistic. It's a fundamental part of your brain's wiring, designed to help you thrive. By nurturing this pathway, you're not just making yourself happier - you're literally rewiring your brain for success and well-being. And that’s got to be a very good thing.
If you'd really like to stop criticising yourself and learn the power of self-love for yourself, grab my free eBook below.
Unlock the transformative power of self-love and embark on a journey of self-discovery with our FREE Self-Love Ebook, filled with practical strategies and creative exercises to help you embrace your true self!
Author: Maria McMahon
Maria McMahon, 'The Speedy Trauma Healer', is a British Certified and CPD Accredited Trauma Informed Therapist & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Specialist with over three decades of experience. She holds a BSc in Psychology (Hons), a Diploma in NLP & Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, & is a Certified Reiki Practitioner. As an author of multiple books on healing and spirituality, (focusing on aspects of the Danish mystic Martinus' Cosmology), Maria is deeply interested in the spiritual aspects of our being. Maria combines NLP, somatic & cognitive healing techniques, & Internal Family Systems with elements of spirituality to create a holistic healing approach, to her clients through compassionate and efficient trauma recovery.
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