4 Self-Love Tips to STOP beating yourself up
Ready to stop beating yourself up? I’ve got 4 very simple self-love tips for you.
Are you tired of beating yourself up all the time? In this post, I want to give you some real-talk guidance to ditching that inner mean girl and actually being nice to yourself.
Let's break down why constantly criticizing yourself is total garbage and I'll share some super practical ways to start loving who you are - messy bits and all. No toxic positivity here, just honest strategies for treating yourself like someone you actually care about. If you're ready to stop being your own worst critic and become your own best friend, this read is for you.
From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion: Understanding True Self-Love
In a world that’s always pushing perfection, a lot of us end up being our own worst critics. We pick apart our flaws and can be pretty harsh on ourselves. But here's the thing: self-love isn't about being perfect. It's not about vanity, ego, solipsysm, or narcissism. It's about accepting who you are, flaws and all, and treating yourself with kindness, even when you mess up. And we ALL mess up, and none of us are perfect.
True self-love is therefore just about self-acceptance. It means acknowledging every aspect of who you are, including the parts you might wish were different. And let’s face it, most of us can list at least several things we wish we were or were not!
I wish I were thinner, taller, smarter, and so on. And it doesn't stop there. Self-criticism can be a very harsh inner voice that constantly points out your flaws and mistakes. You know that voice that’s always harping on at you, telling you you ‘shoulda… coulda… woulda’… and ‘If only I’d said this, or not done that…’ and so on. We ALL do it, all the time.
And it’s such a waste of precious emotional and mental energy. While some might say it’s a way to motivate yourself towards being better, that’s an illogical argument because you see, when you talk to yourself, YOU are listening and if you’ve not got a lot of self-love or self-worth to start with, all you’re doing is reinforcing that deep negative perception of yourself.
But that self-criticism is preventing you from fully embracing who you really are. You were made the way you were made for a reason. You’re unique, and there’s no one else on the planet exactly like you. Maybe you could start to enjoy that fact, instead of wishing you were more of this, or less of that. You’re enough, just as you are. Trust me on that!
The Impact of Self-Criticism
Excessive self-criticism also leads to stress, anxiety, and even depression. It creates a negative self-image that just keeps on robbing you. A thief that you constantly welcome into the home of your brain!
You’ve got to start learning how to stop all that self-nasty nonsense and start your little self-love affair!
Self-love and acceptance really allows you to create a kinder relationship with yourself, but it’s not always easy, for sure. Most of the clients I've worked with have had deep-seated self-worth issues that stem from feeling not good enough when they were children. And it's one of the reasons I do inner child healing with all my clients, because healing those wounds that still live inside is vital for self-love.
There are FAR better ways to motivate yourself, and self-compassion is one of the finest ways I know of. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend. It's about recognizing that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, and that these are part of the shared human experience.
When we practice self-compassion, we create a supportive inner dialogue that makes us feel better about ourselves.
So let me share 4 very simple, easy-to-do, self-love tips with you and I'd love if you'd start practicing them today!
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4 Simple Tips for Self-Love
These are easy! You can start doing these right away, and no one but you need know about them.
But let me remind you about something I wrote in a recent blog post - self-love isn't just a buzzword; it's a crucial part of living a happy and fulfilling life - in fact, there's solid scientific evidence for how self-love works in your brain - you can check it out at the bottom of this post, Why Self-Love isn't 'Woo Woo'.
And it all begins with stopping that inner critic in its tracks. So, let's dive into four down-to-earth ways to start loving yourself more today. And there's nothing 'woo woo' about these either!
1. Stop Criticizing Yourself
First things first, let’s tackle that pesky critic living rent-free in your head. Start listening to your self-talk, your inner dialogue, and immediately, the next time you catch yourself being overly critical, try to flip the script. Instead of saying, "I messed up," (or whatever other much worse thing you're likely to say to yourself!) say, "I'm learning! I'm human! I'm fallible! I'm GOOD!" Be gentle with yourself — you're doing your best!
When you notice those critical thoughts, challenge them by asking, "Is this thought really true? What evidence supports or contradicts it?" Make a promise to yourself that you're going to just stop the self-criticism.
Self-criticism can be incredibly detrimental because it erodes your confidence and self-worth over time.
When you constantly berate yourself for mistakes or perceived shortcomings, you create a toxic environment within your mind. This negativity not only affects your mental health but also hinders your ability to learn and grow. By constantly dwelling on what you've done wrong, you miss opportunities to reflect constructively on your experiences. Instead of letting self-criticism dominate, continue to challenge those negative thoughts and treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you deserve.
2. Celebrate Your Wins, Big and Small
Celebrating your wins is a super important part of self-love because it helps you acknowledge and appreciate all the hard work you put into achieving your goals. When you take the time to recognise and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they might seem, you're sending yourself a powerful message: that you're worth it and that your efforts are valued.
This isn't just about throwing a big party or buying something fancy; it's about taking a moment to reflect on how far you've come and feeling proud of yourself. By doing this, you build confidence, reinforce positive self-talk, and create a mindset that encourages you to keep striving for more. Plus, it's a great way to remind yourself that you're capable and deserving of happiness and recognition. So, take a moment to celebrate those wins – you've earned it!
3. Practice Positive SELF Affirmations
Words have power, and positive affirmations can work wonders for your self-esteem (although I will say, if you have deep-seated trauma from an abusive past, you really need to think about therapy to help with healing because otherwise, trying to use positive affirmations is like papering over cracks - but I'll talk about deeper healing from trauma in another post). This (positive self-affirmations) marries up nicely with No 1, above. So, every time you hear that negative inner critic, you're going to STOP that - and switch the dialogue to something nice, kind and positive about yourself. Dead simple!
It could be as simple as "I am enough," or "I am worthy of love." Whatever you feel comfortable saying - say something that feels genuine and believable to you. Because your subconscious is very good a detecting lies, so you have to be honest with yourself.
Write them down, say them out loud, or even stick them on your mirror. The more you repeat these affirmations, the more you'll start to believe them. And trust me, your future self will thank you.
4. Surround Yourself with Positivity
The company you keep can profoundly affect how you feel about yourself. You know how draining it is to be around people who are really negative all the time, and who just bitch about everthing in life? Yeah, we've all met them and they'll drain the life out of you you let them. So, cut these people out of your life as much as is feasible, or at least, limit the time you spend with them.
Instead, surround yourself with people who lift you up, who have a positive outlook on life. Seek out friends, family, or even online communities that inspire and support your journey toward being happy with yourself. Because that's what self-love really is. It's not about vanity or ego - it's just about acceptance for who you are as a perfectly imperfect human being.
And in my Free Self-Love eBook, (see below if you haven't already got it) I also mention a digital detox, so remember that social media can be full of toxic, negative people - so you might want to curate your social media feed to include accounts that make you feel good about yourself and this fascinating world we live in. Positivity is contagious, so soak it up!
Have a go with these and see how differently you feel after a few days of dedication - you might be very surprised!
Struggling with self-criticism? Grab this free ebook now.
Unlock the transformative power of self-love and embark on a journey of self-discovery with our FREE Self-Love Ebook, filled with practical strategies and creative exercises to help you embrace your true self!
Author: Maria McMahon
Maria McMahon, 'The Speedy Trauma Healer', is a British Certified and CPD Accredited Trauma Informed Therapist & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Specialist with over three decades of experience. She holds a BSc in Psychology (Hons), a Diploma in NLP & Ericksonian Hypnotherapy, & is a Certified Reiki Practitioner. As an author of multiple books on healing and spirituality, (focusing on aspects of the Danish mystic Martinus' Cosmology), Maria is deeply interested in the spiritual aspects of our being. Maria combines NLP, somatic & cognitive healing techniques, & Internal Family Systems with elements of spirituality to create a holistic healing approach, to her clients through compassionate and efficient trauma recovery.
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