How to go NO (or LOW) Contact with a Narcissist

Understanding Why No Contact Is Essential

No contact is not just a recommendation—it's a crucial survival strategy when dealing with narcissistic abuse. Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions and maintaining control over their victims. By severing all communication channels, you remove their ability to manipulate, gaslight, and emotionally drain you.

This complete separation creates the mental space necessary for your emotional recovery and allows you to rebuild your identity away from their toxic influence. Many survivors report that no contact was the single most important decision in their healing journey, as it finally helped them break the trauma bond that kept them psychologically tethered to their abuser. No contact is NOT about punishing the narcissist—it's about protecting yourself.

"It saved my sanity!" is how one of my clients put it, and it absolutely can save yours too.

If you’re seeking divorce, get a lawyer who understands NPD, or at the very least, domestic violence and coercive control. If they don’t have this knowledge, there’s a big risk that the narc will hoodwink the lawyer with their charm offensive. You need someone who knows how to see through the narc’s BS.

No contact means just that. You sever all ties with the narc. Delete / block their phone / email. Block them on FB and social media. In case they have sent you threatening or ugly emails, texts or smeared you on social media, make a copy of everything and file it somewhere safe. You may need it for legal purposes.

Then, block all mutual friends. Across the board. Keep contact only with your must trusted allies, and make sure they know what you have been dealing with, and instruct them to block the narc too.

You may also start receiving texts from unknown numbers – the narc is adept at recruiting ‘flying monkeys’ – allies who believe their BS and who are nasty enough to get involved in their hate campaign against you, or people who are genuinely charmed by them and believe their BS stories about you. However, be aware that narcs also use flying monkeys to try to lure you back, often with lies about how much they are missing you and how they feel they've made a terrible mistake. Don't fall for it.

If you do receive such messages, delete them the instant you realize what is going on and block the sender. Do this as many times as you have to. You may even decide to change your phone number but it’s not unheard of for the narc to still manage to find it so it’s not a guarantee that you won’t hear from them. If you do, block them immediately.

Also, I know women (and a few men!) who’ve had to take out restraining orders to keep their narc away from them and their home. Having evidence to show the police in this case will be to your advantage. You have to make it impossible, or as difficult as possible, for them to contact you.

Sometimes, complete no contact isn't possible—particularly when co-parenting or managing shared business interests (which I also recommend severing, as soon as you can!)

In the case of low contact, for divorce / child issues or business issues, have your lawyers deal with everything and do not deal directly with the narc at all.

Subsequently when the issues have been resolved, for example, with your children, make all the arrangements via a third party – ideally a safe person in your life. And get an app like Our Family Wizard, where you can have all contact with the narc logged, and it is recognised by the courts, should you need it.

If this is not going to be possible, make sure that the visitation rules are written in stone, witnessed by both lawyers, down to the smallest detail. Then, stick to those boundaries. Be as ‘grey rock’ as you possibly can be during your dealings with your ex but be absolutely rigid about boundaries, and keep your lawyer posted of any breaches.

If direct communication becomes unavoidable, document everything meticulously and establish crystal-clear boundaries with your ex-partner. Have all visitation schedules, financial agreements, and communication protocols properly documented and witnessed by legal professionals. During any required interactions, employ the "grey rock" technique—becoming as uninteresting and non-reactive as possible by keeping conversations brief, factual, and emotion-free. This strategy deprives the narcissist of the emotional reactions they crave.

For business relationships, work with financial and legal advisors to create an exit strategy, as maintaining business relationships with narcissists almost invariably leads to continued manipulation and abuse. Remember that even in low-contact situations, your goal remains maximum protection of your emotional wellbeing. And that is just never ever going to be easy or pleasant in any way, shape or form with a narc.

If you’re in business with a narc, there is only one real solution. Find a way out.

Though challenging to implement, because the narc will try to thwart you at every turn, maintaining strict no/low contact is essential for your recovery. Every survivor who has successfully maintained the no contact strategy will tell you that!

The initial weeks may bring intense loneliness, doubt, and even grief as you process the relationship's end. However, as weeks turn to months, most survivors report significant improvements in mental clarity, emotional stability, and self-confidence. The constant anxiety of walking on eggshells gradually dissipates, making room for genuine self-discovery and growth. The fog of gaslighting lifts, allowing you to start trusting yourself and your perceptions again.

Physical symptoms often associated with chronic stress—insomnia, digestive issues, headaches—frequently improve. Without the narcissist's constant criticisms, your self-worth slowly regenerates. The process isn't always linear, but each day of maintained no contact is a step toward reclaiming your authentic self.

Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse takes time, especially if you're trying to do it on your own, without the help of a professional, and supplementing no contact with professional support with a therapist specialising in narcissistic abuse recovery can significantly accelerate your healing journey. The path may be difficult, but freedom from narcissistic abuse is worth every effort.

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